Create the Midlife-Life You Want...Have a Butterfly Moment - Ep 1

What is a butterfly moment and when do women face one?  The Midster time in our lives is filled with significant changes - kids moving on, parents needing help, reflecting on career choices, and changes in relationships with partners and friends  - just to name a few of the midlife changes.
 
In midlife, we now finally have time, resources, and perhaps money to follow our dreams.  Are you ready?  How do you get prepared?  You can turn the unknowns into butterfly moments - a rebirth of who we are and positivity.  Tish gives us her advice on making the most of the Butterfly Moments to thrive in this stage of our lives.

This week's obsessions:
Tish: the beauty of Spanish moss throughout the south
Ellen:  a Panda planner - a different way to start your day 

Transcript

Ellen Gustafson: 0:21

Welcome to the Midsters podcast - where friendship meets mid life. We are three lifelong friends exploring the Enless Possibilities for women at midlife. Hey, Tish.

Tish Woods: 0:36

Hey, oh, how are you doing today?

Ellen Gustafson: 0:39

You know, I am doing really well, I am so excited to be here with you, again, to talk about a really important subject.

Tish Woods: 0:49

So today, we're going to be talking about how women react to one of the biggest times of change in our lives. And we're going to dive into this idea that if we plan for these changes, and when they're coming, that we can create this true butterfly moment.

Ellen Gustafson: 1:10

I cannot wait to hear more about the butterfly moment, I have to say it was so intriguing. And I even without knowing exactly what it is. I need a butterfly moment, right?

Tish Woods: 1:23

Yeah, we all do. We all do. But before we get started on that, I do want to go over obsessions for this week. I do too. So I want to start it off. Okay. So I just went down to Hilton Head Island this weekend. And it just reminded me of just how obsessed I am with Spanish moss. Now with when someone talks about going to the Deep South, you know, to the shore. This is a visual in my head when you see all the Spanish moss and the trees. And you know, especially in the summertime, when it's hazy. And it just you see them blowing in the breeze. And there's just something so mysterious about the Spanish moss. But to me, it's synonymous with being at the ocean in the Deep South.

Ellen Gustafson: 2:22

I have that visual too, without ever having seen it. And for all of us who aren't from the deep south or who haven't been there. It is probably the the visual that we think of these massive trees and the Spanish moss. And to me, I think of Savannah, in my mind, although I've not been there.

Tish Woods: 2:46

But yes, Savannah. Oh, and that that's one of the places that gets super hazy and stuff. And Savannah, you know, just going up the coastal most of the coast of South Carolina and Georgia, you're going to find a lot of this Spanish moss, and it's just beautiful.

Ellen Gustafson: 3:01

Oh, well, I look forward to you sharing a little bit of that with us with your adventures, because I know that you've probably taken a little video or have a fun little clip you can share with us, right?

Tish Woods: 3:14

Yes, I will be sharing that on our Facebook page. So yes, you'll see you'll see me with a little bit of a Spanish moss. And not wait. Well, what about you? What are you obsessed with this week?

Ellen Gustafson: 3:27

Well, I'm obsessed with something called the panda planner. Have you ever heard of a panda plan or your habit? Well, I don't know if you're exactly like me with the planning and the writing and the list making but the pant plan are is a little bit different. Because it's not just a scheduler, you actually first thing in the morning, you use the panda planner, and you have some fun things about like, what am I grateful for? What am I excited about? You put an affirmation and I'm just looking at one if my affirmation said you got this. Another one said you're not alone. So then you put kind of a focus. And you can put exercise, but you just set some high level priorities. And for me first thing in the morning to start my day not by scrolling through my phone, not by making lists, but thinking about what I'm grateful for. And what I'm excited about each day, just really sets my day off in a in a great way. And somebody had recommended a panda planner to me a few years ago and I bought one and I didn't crack it open till about three months ago at the beginning of 2022. And I'm now obsessed. I lovethat.

Tish Woods: 4:50

You know, I've just heard recently someone speaking on the fact that it's, it's gratitude. And that really brings most joy into our lives. It's not success. It's not all these other things. It's about being grateful for what we do have in the moment.

Ellen Gustafson: 5:10

Yeah, I think that's so important and and when I look at what I'm grateful for, they're really small little things there. Are people there's my job, there's my health, you know. So no matter what situation you're in, or what the day before has brought, you can find a lot of joy just by setting that intention first thing in the morning.

Tish Woods: 5:34

I love that. I love that idea. Yeah,

Ellen Gustafson: 5:37

so well, let's talk about this butterfly moment. That was a real cliffhanger, I have to say. And so I want to really understand a little bit the big part of what women face during a butterfly moment. Sure.

Tish Woods: 5:58

So what I want to focus on is, it's this time of we're in women's life, this Mr. Time, that we have some really big monumental changes going on in our lives. And a lot of times, we can feel really overwhelmed. And we're not prepared. And we finally, in this point, number of lives as Mr. Time, we finally have the resources and the time to really pursue and follow our dreams. But we find ourselves not ready. And it's because of all these changes that are happening in our lives. So going into these changes, so unprepared, many misters end up in this real female midlife crisis. But I want to challenge this notion that with some planning, we can turn all these unknowns and this midlife crisis into this beautiful butterfly moment, a real rebirth of who we are. So that's kind of my notion of what a butterfly moment is. So have you ever noticed, like, all the changes that midlife does bring to our lives? Like for me, right now, it's our children leaving home. That's a big one.

Ellen Gustafson: 7:20

I think that's a big one, too. But even if you don't have kids, it could be parents passing away, or parents needing help in different ways that you're unprepared for.

Tish Woods: 7:32

Absolutely. And then for some of us, it's the loss of a partner or divorce, that all of a sudden, we find ourselves through these massive life changes. And if we're not ready for them, it could just be could spiral. Yeah, my thing is just just a few things that we do. And we can turn that around into this credible rebirth in our lives.

Ellen Gustafson: 8:00

I like that. And you know, I see this, too, that it's for the first time for some of us in 20, or maybe 30 years, we have more time on our hands, and some of us aren't ready. We either haven't planned for the free time, right? We don't have hobbies, we haven't really expanded past the role of being a mom or a daughter. And we can definitely find ourselves at a crossroads. And it can be lonely, that's for sure.

Tish Woods: 8:32

Exactly. So finally, we finally have this time, we have more disposable income misters do than any other time in history. So the question is, why aren't we happier?

Ellen Gustafson: 8:49

That is a really good question. Do you think that it's because we're unprepared for this? New

Tish Woods: 8:59

I raised. So I remember. You know, there's there's certain events that happen in your life that are like pivotal. And this was a real pivotal moment, my daughter was getting ready for her graduation from high school. And I remember standing behind her in the mirror and she's adjusting her cap and gown and, and I remember welling up with tears and it being a very emotional. And I'm so excited for her this is you know, is all the changes that are coming for her and her future's so bright. But there was a little sadness, that I thought, ah, if it weren't for my son, lamb, I would be all alone. And it really struck me hard that I thought, You know what, I can't let his graduation from high school sneak up on me. And then figure out what I'm supposed to do after this. I know, I'm going to make sure by the time that Liam is ready to graduate, that I'm more prepared. So this has been a thing I've been thinking about for a while, well, Liam's a senior in high school, and he's getting ready to go off and I would say for The last really last year and a half, two years, I've been preparing over time for this moment.

Ellen Gustafson: 10:28

I think it's a big moment. And I know our listeners too may not know. But you and I are both single. And I think in a way it hits us single, ladies maybe a little bit harder to I have one only, I'm only gonna have one son left at home next year. And he's pretty busy with his own life. And so I too, have been thinking about this and trying to take up some hobbies, right? And really expand my, my interests out there as well. But I think, is it ever too late? You know, if if your kid is actually you're dropping them off somewhere or you find yourself Suddenly Single, or in a new town and you're amid stir? Do you think it's ever too late?

Tish Woods: 11:22

I don't think it's too late. And even if you come to this realization, that Oh, my goodness change has happened and I wasn't prepared for I think at that moment, you kind of take the reins, and you you're going to decide to make some changes. So to me, I don't think it's ever too late. And I really want to challenge our listeners to start today, to start thinking about how you're going to reconnect with your joy in your life.

Ellen Gustafson: 11:53

I think that's an amazing thing. I know that you have some steps for us, right? I think it's always great when we help our listeners understand some of the steps that we've taken to make some things happen. And since you've been really focused on this, I know you've really expanded what you're what you're doing, who you're hanging out with and give us some steps.

Tish Woods: 12:20

Absolutely. So I don't want anyone to believe that they that they need to do everything at once. And just like with any change, you got to take it one step at a time, work on one thing and then move on to the next. So some of the big things for me were really reconnecting with the things that made me happy when I was young. For me, it was my love of sports. So I started working out more on my treadmill, I started learning how to play pickleball I have a friend who's teaching me how to golf. So it was reconnecting with my love of sports. That was that was one of my first things. What about you? Oh,

Ellen Gustafson: 13:05

Well, you know, we golfed together last year. And that was so fun. And I, I too have been really looking at what I used to like to do before I had kids and I went out and I bought a bike during the pandemic. And I have been doing a lot of not cycling where I live is the mountain biking capital of the world, I think one thing to say, but just nice. It's easy street biking on paths. And it's really given me a lot of joy. But the other thing I do, and I know when we've been together, we've done this too, which is hiking. And I've recently joined a hiking group here in Marin County, that I found through Facebook. And what's great about it is that I can just show up at a certain time, and there's a group of people who all want to do a hike. And so I think it's really important that you think about what it is, it's your time to think about what it is you want to do.

Tish Woods: 14:10

Well, it's funny, because it kind of brings up my second point, what you were saying about joining that group is that is to build or rebuild our female friendships, those friendships that bring us the most laughter the most joy. And I'm going to tell you, it is a time investment. But it is so well worth it. And the more effort that you're willing to put in to building these deeper friendships and it does take time, the more you're going to get out of those friendships.

Ellen Gustafson: 14:45

I think that's an excellent point. And I know that that I feel this way that my female friendships are so important to me and to feeling nourished and challenged right. So I would I would soundly agree and that there's time to go back and reconnect with some friends that you may not have been able to keep up with during either some intense work years you know, child rearing or or taking care of parents. if that was something that was heavy on your plate,

Tish Woods: 15:21

absolutely. And I so believe in making sure that you have diverse friends group. So don't rely on just one or two people or just one group of people, but have different groups of people that you do different things with. Maybe it's people from a book club, maybe it's people that you'd met through your children's sports. Maybe it's some friends from work that you want to go out with, but just have a diverse so that way, you're not so dependent on one group. And if something happens there, somebody's somebody's busy, you have other places to go to kind of keep your, your friendships enriched.

Ellen Gustafson: 16:03

Can I add one thing here? Because, you know, I made a new friend in the past year, and it was because I was actually vulnerable, and opened up to some women that I was with saying, you know, hey, I'm the pandemic, and I'm pretty isolated out here in the town I live in and somebody really came and said, Hey, let's, let's take our friendship to the next level, let's actually do some things together. You like hiking, I like hiking. And so I think that taking that chance, and showing some vulnerability around friendships can be a good thing, too.

Tish Woods: 16:43

Absolutely. That's so great. I, we have to spend another whole episode on how do you make friendships because I think sometimes we're out of practice with how to do that. Or it's changed, the rules have changed. But we definitely will delve into a whole nother session on that. But there's also another thing, it's the relationship with yourself, I want to challenge everyone to, to prioritize themselves. And that may be treat yourself to a spa day, learn how to play an instrument, take up Yoga, you know, revamp your your wardrobe and your style, whatever it is, prioritize yourself, and invest in you and getting to know you. Great point. And then the other thing is and kind of goes hand in hand with this is invest time into a new hobby. Find something new that challenges you, that opens up some different possibilities. I know I've talked about how I do beekeeping. That was such so out of my you know, norm of stuff that I do, but it's really brought me a lot of joy.

Ellen Gustafson: 18:04

I agree. I love hearing about your beekeeping hobby and just so the misters know there is an episode where we delve in a little deeper to beekeeping fascinating hobby. And we find out a lot about the whys in the house of Tish doing beekeeping. You know, I have, as I said earlier, taking up golf. And I think what's great about that is it's something I can play everywhere with a lot of different friend groups and a lot of different people. And I even outfitted my three boys and have them play golf with me, sometimes too. So a built in for some I love it, a built in foursome. And you know, the other thing I've been focusing on a lot is yoga, and it brings me a lot of joy. And you can go by yourself, and there's a whole community there. There's just such a great feeling of community and connection when you do a yoga class as well. I love that.

Tish Woods: 19:10

And so there's another area in terms of volunteering, sometimes the best way to build up who you are, is giving of yourself to someone else. And again, as I said in the beginning, I'm not telling everybody to do all these things at once, it would be overwhelming you you just feel so much pressure. So it's it's picking and choosing and adding a little bit more a little bit more to your lives, just enhancing it. And the more time I have, the more things I add. So for me, I know, this fall, I plan on finding a group that I want to spend some time volunteering with because I think this is so important, that give back.

Ellen Gustafson: 19:55

I really liked that idea of give back. And the good part is that you can do a little bit every week or you can spend a whole day doing trail restoration or clean up for ocean cleanup. So the best part about that is you can really give when and how it meets your schedule.

Tish Woods: 20:16

Right and again, you know, focus Hang on where your interests are. The other thing I want to challenge people is to travel more, even if you have to do it alone. So in the past two years for me, I have traveled more. I've been to Italy, Spain, Mexico, California, Florida. You know, I even spend time out with you working remote. So I could extend my stay out in California. But travel has really, I just never quite had the time except to go see family, that's where I seem to spend all my time or maybe kind of going to the beach. But this idea of really kind of opening my world and opening my experiences has been really important. So I would challenge no matter what your budget is, to go outside your comfort zone, and travel,

Ellen Gustafson: 21:17

I think that's a great thing. And you know, after living through the pandemic, I don't know anyone who doesn't have more travel on their bucket list or their goals. And now with companies allowing hybrid work and remote working, I know something I'll be doing because I'm a marketing consultant, I can work from anywhere, from my day job is really going for some extended periods, and hopefully spending some time in some new locales, with friends and family, right. So I really like how you've taken this on and done. That's a lot of travel.

Tish Woods: 21:59

That was a it was it was a lot of travel. And so it's exciting, but it just makes me want to do it even more.

Ellen Gustafson: 22:07

Well, and I know one of the other things you were going to talk about is just physical activity, you know, this whole idea of strong body strong mind, and you really got into great shape to travel.

Tish Woods: 22:21

That was really kind of what sparked my you know, whole movement of getting in shape was about getting ready to go travel and just maximizing what I could do. So for me starting some kind of new physical activity, it's just going to change your mindset, the better you feel physically, the happier you are just, it just kind of pours out of you. So again, no matter where you're starting from, even if it's just the most you can do is taking a short walk, what I'm going to encourage our listeners is start getting more physical, making it a priority.

Ellen Gustafson: 23:06

Yeah, I think as we are mid stirs, it's even more important right now to focus on that, that physical part.

Tish Woods: 23:14

And then I would say probably the last focus has been, you know, maybe start your own business. I know for for us starting the podcast, we both have some different side hustles that we're looking at, you know, that we're working on right now. So, I've been so busy lately with working on the podcast working on my business, as well as my regular job. But you know, I just feel so much more fulfilled. So I have something that I'm creating. So no matter what it is, push yourself if you've ever considered, oh, I wish I had a business in this or that. I'm going to challenge you go ahead and do it. You never know where it can take you.

Ellen Gustafson: 24:03

I really like that. You know, I wanted to ask you when you first started thinking about this when you talked about Mimi's high school graduation, all those years ago, were you afraid? Did you did you have some fears around this? What? What was the kind of the motivation?

Tish Woods: 24:24

So I think it was that realization that, you know, I've had four children. And so for the last 33 years, my title has been mom, that has been my number one title. And not that you stop being mom, but you stop being that hands on mom. So now what comes next? And when I saw her and I knew she was moving on, I was so proud of her and so excited for what she was, you know, going to do in this new phase of her life. It really made me do some self reflection on what am I going to be doing at that fit this new phase of my own life, and I need to be an inspiration to her as she ages. You know my mom's still trying new things and doing new things and, and taking on challenges. You know, our kids, they don't, they don't do what we tell them to do. They do what we show them to do. And so I wanted, you know, show my kids that life just doesn't end when you're a parent, or when they move away. So, for me, it, that moment really was an awakening of, I need to be ready. And I can see friends of mine that are struggling with these changes, and they just don't know what to do next. So that's what became such a focus on this butterfly moment. Like, let's not let it go into a depression, and a frustration, and oh, my gosh, time is passing my life is gone. Let it be my life. My, this part of my life is just beginning. And I'm going to embrace it with all I have.

Ellen Gustafson: 26:17

Those are such great thoughts. And you know, I think that really thinking about what brings you joy outside of all of the other hats, we've all worn, whether it's you know, manager, co worker, daughter, mother, sister, right, you know, wife, girlfriend, partner, it's really getting back to that essence of who we are what makes us tick, and, and just sometimes having that time to sit down and think about it, journal about it, to write about it, to scribble about it to call a friend and chat about it. You know, what, what am I going to do? Where am I going to live? What's my life going to be like? And really take the time to look inward and reflect which a lot of us haven't done, as we've said in years, right?

Tish Woods: 27:17

Oh, yes. So misters, this is your time, I want you to make it all that it can be, make it the most amazing time if you know, it's this big notion of just take charge of your own happiness, and purposefully add positive things that bring you as much joy as you can. It's time to let that inner butterfly emerge. So I want you to challenge our listeners to really reflect on some of the things that bring them joy, and start connecting with those passions from their youth. investing more time into friendships, hobbies, travel, you know, new projects, whatever that is, that will be your butterfly moment in midlife.

Ellen Gustafson: 28:14

I love it. And hey, let's all support each other in growth on this journey in in discovering, you know, who we are and what the rest of our life is going to be like. And I really like the idea of thinking of it in terms as a butterfly moment as this very positive catalysts of rebirth and growth. So thanks, Tish for sharing that with us today. Yeah,

Tish Woods: 28:44

thank you.

Ellen Gustafson: 28:45

All right, guys. Just to remind you, the misters podcast drops every Wednesday. We want you to become part of our tribe, the misters tribe. So like this podcast, comment, subscribe and invite your friends. We'll see you next time.

Tish Woods: 29:02

See you next week.