To celebrate the endo f 2023, Ellen and Tish are resharing the top episodes of the year - ICMI (in case you missed it). Today we revisit episode 68 on midlife over commitment. Tish and Ellen address how midlife is the best time to learn to prioritize, set boundaries, delegate tasks, and practice self-care.... and they give themselves a little grace too. Enjoy this 2023 ICMI episode.
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Ever felt shackled to a to-do list that's longer than a CVS receipt? Ellen and I certainly have, and we're peeling back the layers of why our calendars are crammed with more than just cozy fall recipes and autumn equinox festivities. Our latest chat bravely confronts the tangled web of social expectations and perfectionism that lead us down the path of overcommitment, especially prevalent among women at midlife. We're swapping tales of FOMO and sharing the candid crunch of realizing when your 'yes' should've been a 'no'.
With laughter, empathy, and a dash of tough love, we navigate the choppy waters of saying 'no' and the relief that follows. We get real about the art of people-pleasing and the necessity of pausing before piling on more to our plates. Through tales of car cleaning gone wrong and the familiar itch to appease, we're here to remind you that sometimes, checking your calendar is more vital than checking off tasks. Ellen and I don't shy away from the PPT—People Pleasing Trap—and we're dishing out strategies to strike a balance between being generous with your time and being generous to yourself.
As the conversation winds down, we embrace the quiet strength found in solitude, dissecting the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. We muse on the evolution of downtime needs as we journey through midlife and the wisdom of setting boundaries that are less about fences and more about self-preservation. So, if your soul's crying out for a breather, let our talk be the sign you've been waiting for. It's time to honor your needs, find joy in your commitments, and maybe, just maybe, treat yourself to a mini Dutch oven meal—because you deserve it.
Website: www.thepositivelymidlifepodcast.com
Email: postivelymidlifepod@gmail.com
To celebrate the endo f 2023, Ellen and Tish are resharing the top episodes of the year - ICMI (in case you missed it). Today we revisit episode 68 on midlife over commitment. Tish and Ellen address how midlife is the best time to learn to prioritize, set boundaries, delegate tasks, and practice self-care.... and they give themselves a little grace too. Enjoy this 2023 ICMI episode.
++++++++
Ever felt shackled to a to-do list that's longer than a CVS receipt? Ellen and I certainly have, and we're peeling back the layers of why our calendars are crammed with more than just cozy fall recipes and autumn equinox festivities. Our latest chat bravely confronts the tangled web of social expectations and perfectionism that lead us down the path of overcommitment, especially prevalent among women at midlife. We're swapping tales of FOMO and sharing the candid crunch of realizing when your 'yes' should've been a 'no'.
With laughter, empathy, and a dash of tough love, we navigate the choppy waters of saying 'no' and the relief that follows. We get real about the art of people-pleasing and the necessity of pausing before piling on more to our plates. Through tales of car cleaning gone wrong and the familiar itch to appease, we're here to remind you that sometimes, checking your calendar is more vital than checking off tasks. Ellen and I don't shy away from the PPT—People Pleasing Trap—and we're dishing out strategies to strike a balance between being generous with your time and being generous to yourself.
As the conversation winds down, we embrace the quiet strength found in solitude, dissecting the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. We muse on the evolution of downtime needs as we journey through midlife and the wisdom of setting boundaries that are less about fences and more about self-preservation. So, if your soul's crying out for a breather, let our talk be the sign you've been waiting for. It's time to honor your needs, find joy in your commitments, and maybe, just maybe, treat yourself to a mini Dutch oven meal—because you deserve it.
Website: www.thepositivelymidlifepodcast.com
Email: postivelymidlifepod@gmail.com
Ellen, can we just stop being that? Yes, girl, you know, I thought today that we could dive in and explore a topic that many of us can so relate to over commitment.
Speaker 2:You're singing my song here, tish.
Speaker 1:You know, why do women at midlife seem to find themselves stretched too thin, juggling countless responsibilities and constantly saying yes, yes, yes, the things they might not even want to do right. So joining us today are two incredible experts on the over commitment Us, yes, you and me, we're the experts Exactly, and we're going to help unravel this conundrum and provide some valuable insights and maybe even a few strategies.
Speaker 2:You know, tish, we were chatting about this on Saturday and you mentioned to me you were over committed and feeling anxious, and we have talked about why, at midlife, we're still finding ourselves in this situation. Is it FOMO? Is it habit? You know what is it Exactly? But before we dive into this topic where you and I are the experts, let's get to my favorite part of the show our weekly obsessions. What do you got?
Speaker 1:for me, tish. You know, with the fall coming on to us, I start making more savory foods for dinner, right? But it's just me in the house right now and I still want my dinner to feel a little special, right? So I have found these amazing little Dutch ovens Stove Am I saying that, right, ellen Stove.
Speaker 2:Stop, stop.
Speaker 1:Stop. Oh my gosh, I'm the worst pronounce or the world, but they are the most beautiful little Dutch ovens, but they come in minis, right? So when you're thinking about that cooking for one, or you know making a special, even if you're cooking for you know even two and three, but you want a little special side dish, that needs to go into a Dutch oven. These are absolutely beautiful, deep blue. They all have their own little lids. So that is my obsession for fall meal prep.
Speaker 2:I love that and, just like you, I really do a lot more of those fall vegetables, the roasted butternut squash, all of that. And it is true, you want it to still be nice even when it's just you or you plus one, right.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly. So that's my obsession for the week. What about you, ellen? What is your obsession this week?
Speaker 2:Well, I, my obsession is a very cool event and you know it is for the autumn equinox. The autumn equinox again.
Speaker 1:People that can't pronounce anything today Anything, I don't know right.
Speaker 2:I know a friend is hosting a bonfire at a local beach here where we can incinerate some of the things that we're letting go of from when summer turns to fall. And yes, you know, as a recent empty nester, I can only say that for a few more weeks, so I'm going to say it again I am bringing some things that are key to my transition from a full-time mothering to a part-time mothering of adults, and I'm going to bring a sock from my mismatched bondage, individual socks and a big Costco bill, because those are two things that I'm putting to me, as it's just me in the house.
Speaker 2:So mark your calendars, people. I think it's a great way for us to mark the turning of the seasons.
Speaker 1:I love that idea of just kind of bringing your community, your little tribe, together, but also kind of this idea of letting go of stuff that's been happening, whether it's huge food bills from your kids or all the mismatched socks in your dryer I don't know where. I still don't know where they all go. One of these days we're going to find a mountain of them somewhere. But it's that idea of like physically letting certain things go and like burning them up or whatever, just that recognition. But I love how you're doing it with your tribe and what a creative friends you have. I love it.
Speaker 2:Oh, this friend is so creative. So now let's get back to what you had going on that brought up this topic of over commitment at midlife. Can you share with us a little bit what we were talking about?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I actually had two commitments. I had two different people that had wanted me to do stuff. I wanted to do both.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I was so stressed out I didn't know. I don't know how to say no sometimes, I don't know how to prioritize sometimes, and I had such anxiety and at the end of the day, I didn't have time for either of these things. Fantastic.
Speaker 2:If I recall, it was the forecast too.
Speaker 1:Right, right and so yes. So this is what really brought this to my forefront, really kind of focused on this. Why do I keep finding myself in this over commitment conundrum? And I thought we need to talk about this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, let's dive in and explore why over commitment seems to be recurring issue, not just for you and me, but many, many women, many of our friends here at midlife. So I thought maybe today we could explore the top five reasons behind this phenomenon, this growing phenomenon, and why we find ourselves in this predicament, and also some things to do to get ourselves out of it.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. I don't think this conversation could really start anywhere but FOMO, the fear of missing out, right, this need to fill a void in our lives. So midlife often comes with a unique set of challenges, you know so, such as the kids are leaving the nest, we have aging parents that need care, our careers are in transitions, and all these life changes can lead to this fear of missing out on things and this desire, this burning desire for us to fill the void of all these other commitments that may not be there on a daily basis for us anymore, and we feel this need to fill every moment.
Speaker 2:Maybe Tish too. It's because before every moment was filled and it's just what we're freaking used to, you know, and we haven't really given ourselves permission to be still and to feel right, that transition or that emptiness, and it doesn't have to be bad. But I think a lot of times for me it's that fear right, and it's going to bring up one other thing, and many of us may think this is silly, but social media, I think, plays a big part in this.
Speaker 1:Oh yes.
Speaker 2:In life. I mean, I know we talk about it with teens and tweens and you know that age, but I'll tell you, almost every time I get on Facebook it looks like everybody's having a lot more fun than me. Things come up. I'm like I want to grab them right. So I think that FOMO really can come from that.
Speaker 1:I would agree. I think that definitely fuels that fire of I'm missing out on something. And how do we balance that right? How do we balance between doing enough to keep our lives full and not over committing? And I think that's what really what we're going to unpack today is how do we find that happy medium?
Speaker 1:You know, I found that when my youngest Leon first left home, you know, I had this tendency to over commit just to keep myself busy, right, and I think over time I learned to start pulling back from doing everything and just really focusing, and I did that, I think, because I didn't want to be alone, right, and now I think I'm becoming more selective to do the things that I just really want to do, and but I can find that the over commitment keeps creeping in there, though, right, and this is hard because I think for me personally, because I adore trying new things. So when somebody puts something new in front of me, it's like that shiny new toy, I need to do it. So it's going to be a hard balance for me to find how to not over commit but still keep things full.
Speaker 2:You know, I've seen and watched you do this over the last year and you went from, you know, 150% committed to what I think is a really good level of commitment, right, and I've had to learn how to do this too Tish, because everything does sound good to me, right, like every expectation. Almost there's like one in 10 that I'm like, yeah, I don't really want to do that and it's like how do you pull back when there's a lot of great things and opportunities coming coming your way? And I think that's really where it comes in. And I know you and I have talked about this in the past where I've learned to say let me check my schedule right, so that we have that pause between saying yes and really deciding if it's something we want to do.
Speaker 1:And we're going to unpack that more later in this episode, but that is one of the key things. I think you've hit the nail on the head of how to stop ourselves in that moment.
Speaker 2:I know, I know, it's so true. And reason two is another major reason that leads to overcommitment, and it's living up to perfection Ding, ding, ding, ding ding.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, yeah, this is key, this is key.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, these expectations in society and the pressure to be a perfect mother partner, be the perfect professional at work, really have pushed women to overcommit and they're unrealistic and it's one of this that started, I say, in the 70s and the 80s of we can have it all right.
Speaker 1:Oh, that commercial, that commercial. I keep going back to that commercial. That's great.
Speaker 2:We can come to bacon right up in a pan.
Speaker 1:Right Everything? Exactly Not. You know, we've talked about this before, this idea of successful women have to do it all right and we have to do it with exceedingly high standards. We just can't just do it, we have to do it. Amazing, right. You know, ellen, why do you think that we take this unrealistic expectation on?
Speaker 2:Oh, I think there's so many reasons, you know, I think that it feels good to be perfect and the one that has the great looking home and the kids are never dirty and in great outfits, and we're jogging five miles every morning before going to work and meals and and, and you know, I think we have to just drop that bad habit right. And yeah is that we need to stop worrying about that and start worrying about what pleases us, what brings joy to ourselves, what's important to us, and where we can go with that versus what society is expecting of us. I mean, you know, those catalogs that come in the mail restoration hardware and pottery barn and all of that life that that's not life. That's not real.
Speaker 1:You know, I think that word expectation again you know we're hammering these points in that is a huge one. Expectation is sometimes such a dirty word, right, ellen? Do you ever feel like at this point in your life that we are also expected to have all the answers to everything?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean I think at this point it's a great point for us to admit we don't right. Here is that inflection point and saying maybe I thought, I had it all figured out, but you know what I don't. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to be open, I'm going to open my heart and I'm going to figure it out, and that's what I like about that.
Speaker 1:So this whole superwoman syndrome is another aspect of this perfectionism issue that we deal with right, and you know how does it affect midlife women specifically and what can we do to address this or counteract this?
Speaker 2:No, it's true. I mean, I've definitely been somebody that's felt good. When people say, I don't know how you do it Three kids, full time job, a podcast, whatever you know it feels like that pat on the back resonates with us. But it really shouldn't. And this superwoman syndrome, this belief that we can excel at every aspect of our lives simultaneously, is unrealistic. I just want to tell a quick little story here, not to harken back to when my kids were younger. But people would say to me well, how do you do it? And I would say, well, I just had to lower my standards a little bit. You know something that was a winner Sometimes it was mac and cheese and some berries, right, I mean it. Just I think that's part of it is that women we need to admit to each other were not super women. And maybe that's where that can start.
Speaker 1:You know, I think there's a lot of women that wouldn't admit to it. They'd say well, you know, I get up an hour early, I do blah, blah, blah, I do my Pilates, you know, and we perpetuate this, this whole superwoman syndrome, on each other, and and I think we need to let each other off the hook and saying it's okay for every aspect not to be perfect simultaneously, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's true, I have a good friend, and right when we started being friends about 10 years ago, she said to me oh, I thought you were Martha Stewart. Oh honey, let me in on, let me let you in on some of the secrets in my life.
Speaker 1:But this has been an issue for a while. I know there was a 2018 article in prevention that was talking about this superwoman syndrome and how it it has led to the cause for women to suffer from twice as much depression and anxiety than men have.
Speaker 2:You know that's startling, but I can see it as being the case Because you know, tish, when I sit around in a conference room or a virtual conference room with a lot of different men and women, I don't think the men are worrying about what's for dinner or if they're having a college application, or if their son needs some shots play on the volleyball team, right? I think that's the big difference is we women have taken on everything and are juggling so much. Every woman I know has been affected by the superwoman syndrome.
Speaker 1:Have you ever heard another woman say oh, you know, I really need a good wife.
Speaker 2:I say that all the time. If I just had a wife.
Speaker 1:I know right, I can conquer the world. I couldn't be superwoman, right and well, you know. I believe the best way to address this is women at midlife really need to challenge these unrealistic expectations and start practicing some self compassion for themselves.
Speaker 2:Wow, hello. It's true Self compassion, and you know I've started saying to a lot of my girlfriends to give yourself some grace, give yourself a space here, you know when they're feeling frustrated or taking on too much, and I think that that is okay. You know, it's not all going to be perfect in every aspect. And let's also talk about asking for help. This is something I learned way too late In life. Tish, I don't know about you, but it's part of that dirty underbelly of superwoman. So asking for help is the anti superwoman, you know, it's so healthy and so good and it's not a weakness, and I guess I just was like I can do it all, I can do it all. I won't ask for help. Now I've realized that my tribe, my community, wants help.
Speaker 1:Right. So I think the question becomes is how do we find this balance? You know, balancing responsibilities and commitments can be such a challenge, and I think we need to come up with strategies for women at midlife that they can achieve this healthier balance to their lives. And I think it's going to start with acknowledging you do not have to be superwomen.
Speaker 2:I agree, Tish. I do not have to be a superwoman. How about you?
Speaker 1:I do not have to be a superwoman, so true, I like it.
Speaker 2:Saying it out loud feels good, alright.
Speaker 1:Reason number three Wait, wait, wait Before you go on to three. I think the second half of that is I don't expect my tribe to have to be superwomen either.
Speaker 2:That's right, and sometimes I find myself having to force my help on people. You know it's like come on, take me up on this, take me up on this, and I've noticed I'll do that back. So it's being open, right.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:The idea of being open. Okay, reason number three can be poor time management. I think for me and you, identifying our top priorities and allocating the time and energy to those really helps us. And delegating and seeking help, just like we were saying, from friends to ease the burden, those are really important to me and I don't find I have the energy I did before. A lot of times I talk to you about this because I have a few autoimmune conditions and I notice it's really taken down my energy level and I can't do everything even though I want.
Speaker 1:Exactly so, I think. To compensate, to make sure that you get the things in that are important, time management becomes key right? We have to look at where our time is spent and use it efficiently. Because we don't have those endless amounts of energy, we are not going to stay up till two o'clock in the morning doing X, y and Z and still get up and be fresh for work.
Speaker 1:So are you all nighters at this? No, no, not without a huge cost that we really shouldn't be paying right. I think that's a really good strategy to help us from over committing is when we do ask for help, right, and you also part of that right in the asking for help is not expecting things to be done as you would do them right. So I think this has always prevented me and you tell me if you're guilty of this too. I have neglected asking my kids for help because they're not going to do it. As good as I could, I didn't ask my spouse or partner because he's not going to do it. You know what? So what? They would have helped and they would have had opportunities to learn and develop their own skill set that I robbed them from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I love how you put that. I think one of the biggest ones people talk about is not loading the dishwasher the right way, right? I mean, I've never been one to care how my dishwasher was loaded, so that wasn't one for me. But you know, a few months ago my son will took my car on a camping trip and it came back and I said I need you to wash my car. And when I said that dish, what I meant was wash the outside vacuum, the inside windex, like you know, the home nine yards. What I wanted was to not get in my car and think that it had been camping.
Speaker 1:With a teenage boys, boys.
Speaker 2:I think they were like the car holds seven, I think there were at least seven in my car, bestie dirty. I must have gone two or three times back to him and been like it is not good enough. And you know that car putty you recommended, yes, and I'm session. I had him doing it with a car putty, but by the end I was doing the car putty you know, all over the dashboard and so you know part of it to you is teaching people are helping them understand what our expectations were, because he just went and ran it through the car wash downtown $30. It was like, no, that was not it. So I think that is our biggest fear that things won't get done. Quote, unquote right, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think also within this time management thing, besides adjusting our perfectionist standards, you know when we're asking for help. I think another key component to this is before you answer. When somebody asks you to do something, before you want to sign up for something, your standard response should always be let me check my calendar first. Don't be so impulsive to say yes, yes, let me. It sounds great, but let me check my calendar first.
Speaker 2:You know, this is the biggest, I think, aha moment, tish for us midlife women and maybe for women everywhere. And I paid a lot of money in therapy to learn this technique, which is, hey, let me check my calendar to give myself that pause. And I had a friend who shared with me that I always committed and then canceled, and it was not good. And you know what would happen is, of course I wanted to do whatever it was shopping a walk, you know, going out to the beach but when it came right down to it I didn't have the time or the energy to do it Truly and I disappointed her and that was the least of what I wanted to do. So sometimes making that pause, checking it, it saves you that outcome where you're somebody who's known as somebody who cancels at the last minute.
Speaker 2:I wanted to be the kind of person I wanted to be known for. I think it works so well, Even if the front halt is green. It's a slippery slope, I can tell you.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, but I think by keeping a calendar that includes both our work and social commitments right, because we do need to look at our work commitments. If we know we are going to have a path day at work, right, maybe going out to dinner that night is not the best option, right? So I think we need to have that work social calendar and we take the time to step back before committing, to ensure that we are agreeing to live up to self care in this whole equation, that we're not just doing it for someone else, but that when we do commit to an activity, that we are all in and we are enjoying it to the fullest right. But I think a key component to this part of it is that doing that is not selfish. Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
Speaker 2:Truth right there. That is the truth and, like in my case, it helps you avoid disappointment and living up to your commitments.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Right, so we're going to move on to our fourth reason. Right and I call this PPT is the fourth reason that we find ourselves in the over-commitment conundrum.
Speaker 2:Well, PPT to me means PowerPoint presentation.
Speaker 1:Well, here in the over-commitment world, PPT is the people-pleasing trap okay, and our difficulty with saying no. So one major factor behind over-commitment is the uncontrollable driving tendency to please others and never tell them no. I think this is how we were raised. And how do you see people-pleasing behaviors play a role in your over-commitment, Ellen?
Speaker 2:Wow, this one speaks to me so directly, tish, and as a reformed people-pleaser, I can say that reformed at this age, I understand this one intimately, and people-pleasers often struggle to say no because they fear disappointing or letting others down. But what they do is you let yourself down and you put yourself in a really bad situation. It's like all these crazy machinations that we do to ourselves rather than saying no.
Speaker 1:You know that recent Psychology Today article from April really addressed the dangers of being a people-pleaser.
Speaker 2:Yes, and the article warned the damage deep into their own well-being and sense of self, like I said, and people-pleasing leads to burnout, and the person you're not pleasing is yourself. Right, it's such a vicious cycle.
Speaker 1:You know, color me guilty on PPT right, this idea that good girls take care of others around them. And that's not to say that we shouldn't do things for our loved ones. But it becomes an issue when we choose people-pleasing over our own self-care. So the other weekend I was exhausted from a full week at work and really wanted some rest and quiet time. But I had committed to meeting up with a friend and I definitely was putting their feelings ahead of getting some rest and I thought why do I do that?
Speaker 2:What was your answer when you thought about that?
Speaker 1:Wow, it really kind of made me do, and it was really the driving force into wanting to do this episode was I do it a lot and I started to notice that I do do it a lot. I enjoy pleasing people, I enjoy taking care of people. So I'm not doing this out of just a completely altruistic. You know that's part of my identity. But the trouble for me comes in is when I know it's damaging to me and I still do it anyway, and so that's the part that I want to work on this year, not that I want to become self-centered and never do anything for anyone, because I do love. That Is how it's finding the balance again. Right, it always goes back to finding the balance.
Speaker 2:I mean. For me, part of it has been some self-discovery here at Midlife that I need more downtime than I've ever needed in the past, that time to recharge. I love reading, you know. I love to be puttering in my garden. There are things that I've realized when I looked at what I enjoy. A lot of it's solitary. I need that. Yes, that's what my body and my mind need, and when I just take things you know to be constantly busy or over commit which I love too I'm not giving my body and my mind what it really needs. It's almost like I'm an extroverted introvert, if that makes sense right, it really does.
Speaker 1:I think at Midlife it's this aha moment of what I need is different than what I needed 10 and 15 years ago or 20 years ago. Right, and I love how you brought that out. We do need that solitude. Solitude does not equal loneliness, solitude. Solitude is that time of self-care and rejuvenation so we can go out and do that Out into the world and be that better person again. I like that point Again, balancing those two things. It's not an easy thing and I think part of that all is setting realistic boundaries. We talk about boundaries all the time and here's just another incident. You know seeking support and assistance and we've talked about that in the last example, but those are very key components to this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when you have healthy boundaries and you have more self-awareness about what you need and what your body needs, like this is the first time I've heard you talk about this, Tish, and it's like it's a big awareness around what you need to be healthy and I love hearing that and I really was so happy that this conversation spurred us to talk about this today.
Speaker 1:But don't you also think that before we can fix something, we have to become self-aware of it and the impacts that it has on us? So I think I would love our listeners to think what areas do they over commit and what type of impact is this having on their lives, and what steps can they take for better self-care?
Speaker 2:Bravo. I completely agree. Awareness is the first step. And to all those new empty nesters out there, right, take that inventory and don't try and just fill that space. I think that that's a really, really good advice. So, as we wrap up today's episode, what kind of final thoughts or advice do you have, tish, anything else that you want to share for our listeners who are also struggling with this over commitment conundrum?
Speaker 1:I think we all need to remember that we are not alone in this struggle, right. So identifying where you are guilty of this or whatever, or you slip into this, right, but also seeking the support of the people around you, whether that's through therapy, support groups or just trusted friends. And again, I say trusted friends because if you don't want to say this to everybody, because they're going to want you to keep being the PPT, the people pleaser, or they're going to want you to always commit to everything and so, but a trusted friend is going to tell you I understand, right. And I think the other key takeaway here is we need to be kind to ourselves and you are enough just as you are. You don't need to over commit to feel validated.
Speaker 2:I love that and I think for many of us this is a big pivot or a big change in our lives, where we are, and I love this idea of kind, self-kindness and, as I said earlier, grace, right To honor yourself and that sacred part of your soul that needs to be nourished and recharged.
Speaker 1:Now, ellen, I know we were saying we were wrapping it up, but I do think that we would be negligent if we don't go over one more final reason that we find ourselves over committing.
Speaker 2:Okay, what is it?
Speaker 1:Okay. So I think for me, there's so many times that I've turned down social engagements because I've learned to set better priorities right and in order to be able to do that, in order to be able to put the things that are our priority in your life and that's what this is about this over commitment is not knowing what the priorities are. So you're just saying yes to everything. It's a blanket yes to everything, but that takes a step. First, we have to do some self-reflection on what is important to us, and I think we're raised to think that again, that's Superwoman Syndrome we can do everything, we can do everything right, but I think we need to understand and we need to have a conversation with ourselves, whether it's journaling or just kind of thinking through things, going a long walk what are your priorities and put them in order, and then, before you make any type of commitments, is it honoring your top priorities?
Speaker 2:I really love that and I'm glad that you took the time to share that with us. Tish and you know, for me, our podcast is a big priority and that has changed a lot of my social engagements, and I know for you too.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And you know, I have a really good friend, constance, and sometimes she'll be like, hey, let's go and do this and it sounds wonderful. And all I have to say to her is, hey, I'm working on the podcast. She immediately stops and says I got it because she knows that is a top priority for me right now and she doesn't push, she doesn't throw the guilt card in there. Oh, I need you to do this, so I want you to do this. She already knows, because I shared that with her, that this is such a priority for me and I like that, that that part, and I yeah, it's important.
Speaker 2:I do too, and we should not let someone else choose our priorities by enticing us to do something when we've got other things going on. Guard your priorities, because they are just the most important things you have in your life. And I know it can be hard and it's a change, and you may have a little backsliding here and there, but just get up, dust yourself off and move forward.
Speaker 1:You know. So I think everybody can relate to something, one or all of these five reasons why we tend to overcommit. And I think when we don't have a clear idea of who we are and what is important to us, we are at risk for overcommitment. So, as always, in midlife, we are rediscovering who we are and what we're passionate about. So these boundaries, these commitments, these ideas, these are changing. These are not set in stone things, and we need to be constantly taking a look at what's important, where our commitments are. Yeah, Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I mean, as you said, it is a common challenge, but here in midlife is the perfect point to change what hasn't been working for you. Sometimes people will say when's the last time that worked for you? And I'll say when I was five, maybe seven, right. I mean, we carry some habits with us that no longer work or serve us, and I think overcommitment is definitely one of those, and it can be managed. As we said, self-awareness, self-compassion and grace, that willingness to set boundaries which also is a hard thing for us and prioritize our own self-care and well-being.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, it is time to wrap up this week, so I want to thank you, all of our listeners, for joining us today on the Positively Midlife podcast. It is our top priority it truly is. But remember you can find resources and links related in today's episode in our show notes. So until next time. I want to do a special shout out to our ever-growing audience in the UK, our friends across the pond. We love to see more and more of you joining us each week, so please continue to share this podcast with your girl tribe, because we've got things to say.
Speaker 1:We do and if you'd love to share any of your feedback. We do have an email address at positivelymidlifepodcom at Gmail, so we welcome any comments that you'd like to share with us.
Speaker 2:And feedback till next week, midlifers.